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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22674121">Learning Something New</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsterultranosugar/pseuds/Monsterultranosugar'>Monsterultranosugar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack Taken Seriously, Followed by the gay panic of the century, Holst's bad attempts at courting, Lorenz reluctantly learning to grapple, Lorenz was sheltered, M/M, Post-Black Eagles Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Rarepair, The gay awakening of the century, homoerotic wrestling, no beta we die like Glenn, post crimson flower route</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:54:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22674121</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsterultranosugar/pseuds/Monsterultranosugar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hilda continued to stare. Her mouth opening and closing before settling on “Lorenz, they’re getting married.” She said it slowly.<br/>“Yes dear, we’re all well aware. The question is to whom.”<br/>"…together”.<br/>Lorenz flared in indignation. “I know that.” Does she think me so simple that I would not listen properly to my own friend’s nuptial announcement!<br/>“…to each other…"<br/>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>Ferdinand (and Hubert) invite Lorenz to their wedding. Meanwhile Holst has been attempting to court Lorenz. Lorenz is clueless. Hilda is exhausted.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra (mentioned), Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Holst Goneril</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>162</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Learning Something New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There was a gap in the market, I'm filling it.<br/>If you want visual reference for the homoerotic wrestling look up Triangle Choke in google images.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lorenz sat in the gardens of the Goneril estate. He had decided a visit was long overdue and with all regions stable he felt it was only appropriate to see his old friends. Hilda held her tea cup, inhaling the scent. She enjoyed peace, as the second in line she suddenly found her duties to be at a minimum and it suited her greatly.</p><p>A messenger entered and bowed.</p><p>“You have received an invitation that requires an immediate RSVP. Hubert and Ferdinand are to wed at the end of the coming Harpstring Moon. I have been instructed to await an answer.”</p><p>Hilda sighed. “Hmm, I guess Hubert must have been tasked with invitations then.” The messenger’s stern face made no reaction. “Tell them I will be there. Send House Goneril’s congratulations if you’re allowed more than a yes or no answer, will you.”</p><p>Lorenz was beaming. “Of course I will be in attendance! Oh! Ferdie knows I would move mountains to be there for him on his special day.” The messenger silently nodded and departed without a word.</p><p>Hilda took a long draw from her cup before placing it down and leaning back into her chair. “I can’t say this is unexpected but Goddess! Ferdie must have really nagged Hubert for a public celebration. That couldn’t have been easy. It’s sweet that Hubert’s even willing to go through with it. I could swear that man didn’t have a single human emotion in his entire body. Really creeped me out.”</p><p>“Yes, Hilda it’s all very sweet of them the marry on the same day. I really admire the strength of their friendship. Truly they have grown together in ways even I could not have expected.” Hilda’s eyebrows knitted together as she stared at Lorenz.</p><p>“On the same day?” She cocked her head.</p><p>“Yes, they’re getting married together, Hilda, keep up. I know leisure can slow a mind but really? Still it’s very odd of the messenger to not tell us who they will be marrying…” Lorenz assumed it must have been Hubert’s fault. “Hmm, maybe Hubert is trying to keep her identity a secret to prevent any nefarious plots, after all the Prime Minister and the Minister of the Imperial House hold are but high profile targets.”</p><p>Hilda continued to stare. Her mouth opening and closing before settling on “Lorenz, they’re getting married.” She said it slowly.</p><p>“Yes, dear we’re all well aware. The question is to whom.”</p><p>“…together”.</p><p>Lorenz flared in indignation. “I <em>know </em>that.” <em>Does she think me so simple that I would not listen properly to my own friend’s nuptial announcement!</em></p><p>“…to each other…” She waited for Lorenz to take in the information. Now he gazed at her as though she had told him that pigs were soaring across the sky.</p><p>Finally, after a long pause Lorenz replied “That cannot be correct. I’m fairly certain it is not possible.”</p><p>“It definitely is. Lorenz, you are aware that Hubert and Ferdinand have been in a <em>romantic </em>relationship since the war?”</p><p>“Preposterous! They have simply been incredibly close friends, like you and Marianne. Surely you can understand such a thing.” Lorenz continued before she could react. “Besides I’m sure if men were able to be in such relationships my father would have informed me but he told be the contrary when I asked as a boy.”</p><p>“Oh, Lorenz… poor naive gullible Lorenz.” She started laughing uncontrollably and could practically see the vapor coming from his confused beet red face. “I do in fact understand their relationship as it is <em>exactly </em>alike to me and Marianne.”</p><p>“That’s impossible!”</p><p>“It’s really not.” She tried to stem he laughter. <em>C’mon Hilda this is serious. He really has no idea about homosexuality</em>. “Okay, okay!” she put her hands up to calm Lorenz down. “Just.. tell me what you think you understand and I’ll do my best to fix this mess your father made, alright?”</p><p>Folding his arms to his chest and looking into his teacup shyly he spoke again in a quiet unsure voice. “This truly is not a jest?”</p><p>“Lorenz, I’m not joking. You have my word on my honour and my house.” Her face was now schooled into seriousness.</p><p>“Why would I have not heard of such unions before. If they are permitted surely there must be at least a few amongst the nobility?” He had accepted some time ago that love often wondered beyond class and now with the system of nobility being dismantled he had noted the rise of inter class marriages. Surely if there were same sex unions she could tell him some historical example.</p><p>“You must understand that your part of Fódlan puts notably more emphasis on bloodlines and crests whilst most other territories did not. Comparatively that is. Answer this. What did your father tell you the purpose of marriage was?”</p><p>Lorenz considered. “To wed into an advantageous alliance between houses and create the best odds for a crest bearing heir… which can only be achieved between a male and female noble union…”<br/>
“And what have you learnt for yourself is the purpose of marriage?”</p><p>“I believe it is one of the highest forms of expressing love to your intended and to solidify the bonds between your hearts. Hence, class is no matter.”</p><p>They stared at each other. Hilda waiting for the pieces to click into place. She sighed as she realised he just wasn’t quite there.</p><p>“You haven’t answered why I have never heard of such unions within the nobility.”</p><p>Ah yes, he still had no examples to prove she wasn’t playing a game yet. “There are such unions but they are rare and often private in nature. I’m sure you can recall how nobles speak of inter class marriage which may produce a biological heir but lessens the chances of a crest. Often they refuse to acknowledge a union such as what Ferdie and Hubert have as a legitimate and actual bond, instead downplaying it to a friendship as they feel it is improper to speak of publicly. Perhaps you recall the shared minor lordship of the Von Kemnat in the south?”</p><p>“I may know of them but only by name. Go on.”</p><p>“Do you not think it was particularly odd that a lord of another house would join the Von Kemnat house both in name and title, which they share evenly? Or perhaps the fact that the lords Von Kemnats had each fathered a bastard from an anonymous woman and adopted both as legitimate heirs into the family line? Nor the fact that they celebrated the acceptance of Gottfried into the Von Kemnat house and their shared title rather than scorn an outsider who had gained power or prevented an outsider from entering their family altogether?” Hilda raised a single eyebrow and leaned closer, unsure if she could make her point anymore clearly short of taking Lorenz to a same sex wedding and having him read all the very real paper work.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“I…I see. That actually makes sense. Father had been very displeased about the announcement of the shared lordship. He told me the Von Kemnats were of weak minds for allowing their house to be infiltrated. That their heir was so weak that they had find someone to rule with him.” Lorenz’s expressions had a tendency to shift every time he had a new thought and to those who knew him it was an endless source of joy to watch him process the world around him so obviously. “So, they were wed? Legitimately? Not some convoluted adoption?”</p><p>“Yes, Lorenz. They were wed and very happy together. It has always been accepted legally within the Adrestrian Empire. Though, uncommon due to the previously high value placed on crests. Now that Fódlan is all the Adrestrian Empire and the system is being purged such unions will likely become more commonplace and openly discussed.” Hilda was not a big fan of the Alliance’s dissolve, nor the violence of the war. She was not fond of what Edelgard had done even if house Goneril had been deemed not corrupt during the royal commission into Noble affairs. But she supposed that in the time since the war ended Fódlan had improved in many regards.</p><p>Lorenz was sitting with his legs crossed and arms tightly over one another on his body. “I have another question to ask, though I’m sure I will have many more later. Do not think I forgot what you said about Marianne. It is simply that I am wondering… am I allowed to be interested… in men that is. Is it acceptable of me?” He was not even looking at Hilda, instead gazing into his own empty cup.</p><p>“Honestly I thought you already were. The entire time we were in the academy I thought you were trying to get me to hook you up with my brother.” And Lorenz gaped.</p><p>“I would do no such thing! It would be improper for me to try to gain one’s affections through a third party. Do you think me so rude as to use our friendship in such a way?”</p><p>“You just kept going on about finding a suitable partner and getting me to talk you up to Holst. He has a lot of fans. You wouldn’t be the first to try.”</p><p>Lorenz found his teatime with Hilda immensely enlightening and any resentment he held toward his father seemed to amplify. Not only had he been deceived but he was now realising how many utterly stupid things he must have said to Ferdinand during their own meetings.</p><p> Ferdinand had never even tried to hide his relationship with Hubert. Lorenz simply did not know it could possibly be anything but an incredibly close and intense (and strangely physical) friendship. By Goddess! Hubert had even joined Ferdinand one afternoon when he happened upon them in the imperial garden during a conference break for tea. He didn’t talk and barely seemed to acknowledge Lorenz sitting across from them. Though, Lorenz did notice the slight incline of his head in interest whenever he started to discuss gossip of any manner. He had been so close to Ferdinand that their shoulders brushed and Lorenz had noted that Ferdinand always had a hand on some part of his body, be it his knee or shoulder or linking their hands together.</p><p>Thoughts whirled around his head as he contemplated the new information he had gained. Lorenz found himself reevaluating the certain ways he had looked at people. He desperately wanted to go back to Hilda and ask more questions regarding what is and isn’t attraction. Before he could reach the guest bedroom he had taken over for the past month during his mountain side vacation courtesy of the Goneril estate, he found himself nearly tripping over five-foot-three of pure compact muscle.</p><p>“Duke Goneril! I am so terribly sorry, I was distracted.” Lorenz made a small bow. Despite his familiarity with Hilda he found himself at a loss of how he was supposed to interact with Holst. He often found himself over thinking each word he said during their conversations over his stay as well as worrying himself that he may have offended Holst in some manner as he instinctually tended to lean down to address him. He worried Holst would think he was looking down on him or treating him as a child.</p><p>“No worries Lorenz, and please, stop addressing me as Duke Goneril. We are friends after all?” Holst smiled and Goddess was Lorenz blinded by that smile.</p><p>Lorenz had time to fully take Holst in and immediately flushed. The Duke had evidently just finished training, his pink hair was messily tied back in a high pony tail with strands to the front coming loose to flame his face. Lorenz found it difficult to meet his wide pale pink eyes for too long but after noticing he lacked a shirt Lorenz found he needed something to focus on aside from the firm build of his chest and <em>oh goddess how did I not realise earlier that this isn’t just respect for the male form. </em></p><p>Lorenz was having an awakening at almost thirty years old and it was hitting him hard.</p><p>“Is something the matter Lorenz? You seem awfully distracted.”</p><p><em>How couldn’t I be. </em>“I suppose I am. I have had a very illuminating conversation with your sister.” <em>Don’t focus on that Lorenz, not now. </em>“Hilda has accepted an invitation on the house Goneril’s behalf to the wedding of Ferdinand and Hubert in the coming Harpstring moon. It should be the event of the year!”</p><p>Lorenz knew he was starting to ramble and he would give anything for it to stop. It tended to happen a lot around Holst since the moment they first met. Something about him made Lorenz terrified of an awkward silence, instead leaving him questioning his own sanity as he desperately tries to recall what thoughtless panicked verbal onslaught he had put the Duke through as he vocalised any thought in his mind hours after they separate.</p><p>He could feel himself turning more red. He was still talking. At this point he was saying how happy he was for Ferdinand though “I cannot for the life of me understand how someone as radiant as Ferdie could wind up marrying that gloomy shadow of a man.”</p><p>
  <em>Why am I still talking? The door is right next to me. Just go through it Lorenz, just excuse yourself and leave for the love of all the saints and anything Holy just go through the door.</em>
</p><p>“Hmm, and what sort of man had you supposed Ferdinand should have married? Perhaps someone more charming and dashing who understood the importance of proper hair maintenance instead of hacking it off before it became too much trouble?” Holst was teasing him. Holst thought he was jealous.</p><p>“Duke! I would never set my sights on the Prime Minister, I simply do not understand how the pinnacle of noble men would marry a snake. Though, if what Ferdinand says is true then Hubert does have a human side.” Lorenz wanted to put his face through a wall. Ferdinand had said <em>so </em>much about his relationship. Hubert and Ferdinand did not have a strange phase of exchanging gifts, they were courting and Lorenz had been too stupid to realise it and now he was suddenly having to play social catch up.</p><p>“Then it is all the more special as I fear only Von Aegir has seen it.” Holst tilted his face up as he let loose a chuckle and Lorenz found his eyes sliding down his mouth to the column of his throat, then tracking a stray droplet of sweat travelling over the plains of his chest. Lorenz’s mouth felt dry.</p><p>And oh no Holst opens his mouth to continue talking and Lorenz really needs to leave.</p><p>“But they certainly must have something strong. I hear they started their courtship during the war.” He glanced at the floor and then back up to meet Lorenz. “I admit I am jealous of such a strong bond.” His arm reached up to grip Lorenz’s shoulder.</p><p>“It must be nice.” And before he can stop his mouth and leave the damn hallway he blurts out “I cannot understand how a man such as yourself remains without one at your age.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh, Goddess I just called Duke Holst Goneril, war hero and all-round champion of a man a spinster. </em>
</p><p>“Not that you’re old! What I meant was just that you’re a marvelous man and I do not understand how no one has made you their husband. Not that I think you could not pick virtually anyone. Not that I think you would!” Lorenz wished he could die in that moment. This must be some form of divine punishment.</p><p>Lorenz’s heart was racing and he felt no part of Holst was safe to look at as he was far to exposed. It simply was not decent!</p><p>Seemingly unaware of Lorenz dying on the inside Holst only laughed another hearty laugh, continuing to gaze into his eyes as he said “I’m simply taking my time to find the right person is all. You need not worry about offending me.” His smile widened “I must be off. I shall spend the remainder of the afternoon in the bath house should you have need of me. I trust I will see you at dinner if not sooner should you find yourself wanting for a bath or perhaps my company. Either of which I implore you to take of freely.”</p><p>“Of course. I would not dream of missing a lovely evening with my friends.”</p><p>Holst removed his warm, firm hand as he called over his shoulder “I’ll be seeing you soon then.” And walking away. Lorenz stood starring dumbly as he watched him march down the stone floor, striding with his hands linked together behind his head pulling all his back muscles taught. Lorenz fled to his room.</p><p>His entire life Lorenz had been under the assumption that men cannot desire one another. That the way he saw the male physic was simply a very strange form of respect that should never be discovered. Possibly an abstract form of jealousy. His desire for touch was a need for skinship to bond. All men were like this. Its normal. It means nothing because according to father men cannot be with other men as they are supposed to be with women. How would a thing even work? It not as though a man could put his-</p><p>Lorenz shook his head. No. He was not even going to think about that. Of course, he wondered how intimacy worked between men and eventually he knew he would need to ask someone. Or maybe he wouldn’t, he managed to get to twenty-nine without ever needing the information, maybe he would never need it. By Goddess this was all very confusing.</p><p>But he did have answers to questions which had plagued him since Garreg Mach. During his friendship with Sylvain he noticed they saw women extremely differently despite their similar pursuit of them. Lorenz saw only the mission needing to be fulfilled whilst Sylvain seemed to be insatiable in his pursuit of their affection. He wanted their attention and actively chased their touch when Lorenz would find it uncomfortable and excuse himself the moment they reached for his hand.</p><p>Lorenz fell on to his bed face first and groaned. All the pieces were clicking together and he could see the full picture. Women could be beautiful and make lovely friends, Lorenz often found them better friends than men, but he had no physical pull. Not the way he had toward men. Which apparently wasn’t the standard way men felt about each other. Who knew the idea of procreation wasn’t meant to be a chore born out of duty to a bloodline.</p><p> </p><p>Holst let the warm water sooth his aching muscles. He had been so sure it would work, Lorenz would take the bait- bait being waved around with the smell wafted at him with a giant banner saying “LORENZ TAKE THE BAIT THE BAIT IS FOR YOU PLEASE JUST DO IT” but apparently it hadn’t worked and now Holst was sitting in a hot bath on his own wondering if maybe he had gotten old and his charms just didn’t work anymore.</p><p>It was honestly starting to take a toll on his self-esteem. Lorenz had been on the Goneril estate for weeks. Holst had been using everything in his arsenal to seduce him <em>for weeks </em>and nothing!</p><p>Had Hilda fed him bad intel? She said he was clearly into him and Lorenz had seemed really into him. Yet every time he tried to make anything at all happen Lorenz would run off or be completely oblivious. At this point Holst was caught between two theories. First possibility; Lorenz was the wait until marriage type. Normally only women took the attitude but Holst wouldn’t rule it out with Lorenz’s sensibilities. The second running theory was that he was somehow so oblivious that despite any subtly- in Holst’s opinion- having long disappeared he still couldn’t see he was being courted.</p><p>Holst tried gifts. He tried taking Lorenz to the local sights surrounding the estate. He tried being half naked outside his chambers. Lorenz continued to smile dumbly and say how he cherished their friendship that had grown during peace. Holst swung his forearm over his eyes. “Ah, maybe that’s it. A soft rejection disguised as friendship.”</p><p>“Hmm, seems to cruel and subtle for his style.” Hilda’s heels clicked against the stone floor and she came to sit on a stool next to where Holst bathed.</p><p>“And what brings you here dear sister?”</p><p>“Just checking you haven’t passed out from heat exhaustion again.”</p><p>“Sure. What else, can’t you see I am suffering?”</p><p>“I come bearing new intel. It is sooo tiring to watch you two. Ugh. Gross. I’m gonna to help my brother fuck Lorenz.” She whined while pulling a contorted face.</p><p>Holst sat up. “You are?” He smiled far to wide as he rested his arms on the side of the bath. Hilda had his full focus.</p><p>“Yes Holst. I will help you <em>climb the asymetrical willow tree</em>. As you put it so eloquently.”<br/>
“I was drunk.”</p><p>“And you still said it. He was like three meters away as well.”</p><p>Holst sent a small splash her direction. A warning splash which only sent small droplets falling on her skirt. “Careful, this matters way more to you than it does me.”</p><p>“Okay, okay. I’m sorry Hilda, the true Duchess of Goneril. Please take mercy on my poor confused soul and bestow onto me this new intel so that with your mighty blessing I may climb the great asymmetrical willow tree.” He put his head down in a bow.</p><p>“Alright Holst, get this.” She paused before a wicked grin cracked over her face.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Its…Oh Goddess it’s really funny…” she had to pause for small giggles between words. “I mean it’s actually a bit sad if you think about it but it’s still funny.”</p><p>“Out with it! I’m on the edge of my bath!”</p><p>“So get this, we were both right in our assumption that Lorenz prefers the more masculine gender… Which Lorenz did not know until today because he father told him men cannot be together as they are with women.”</p><p>Holst tilted his head and the bun he put his hair into on top of his head flopped to the other side. “And he never questioned it? Despite he own feelings, he never questioned it?”</p><p>“His father was very controlling. Lorenz was extremely sheltered. The Gloucester territories took on the most stuffy ideals of both the empire and Faurgus.”</p><p>“So he only just realised that he likes men, possibly today, in a sexual or romantic sense?” Holst cringed and hid his face in his arms.<br/>
“Yes. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened. OH it was hilarious. All these years he though Ferdie and Hubert were just gal pals.” She laughed so hard that she hunched over. “Poor Ferdie! Imagine the conversations!”</p><p>Holst sunk lower in the water. Lorenz was having a panicked late in life and very abrupt sexual awakening and he had stood outside his room trying to seduce him. Half. Naked.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>He could use this.</p><p>“Did you explain sex?”</p><p>“I hardly had time to tell him all the intimate details they don’t cover at Garreg Mach.”</p><p>“Alright. That’s good. That’s really good.” Holst nodded to himself while Hilda narrowed her eyes.</p><p>“What are you planning?” She pointed at him getting in his face.</p><p>“You don’t want to know.”</p><p>“That might be true. As much as I support your weird quest to bed Lorenz for whatever reason, know this. I started helping you because I thought it was funny but circumstances changed. He is my friend. He probably needs time to process everything… just don’t do anything to make him cry.” She got up and brushed her skirt down as she walked out, she lamented on the fact she was giving her own brother the shovel talk.</p><p>House Goneril enjoyed much wealth and whilst they did not necessarily flaunt it through opulence the household was prone to purchasing high quality goods. The sheets were fine and smooth, the duvet warm and fluffed. Lorenz had cocooned himself in the bed, considering the finery rather than give more thought to the day’s discoveries. It was as though some terrible box had been opened and he was forced to see and understand feelings he hadn’t words for previously.</p><p>Lorenz is attracted to men.</p><p>Lorenz is attracted to Duke Holst Goneril.</p><p>Lorenz has no idea how to face him at dinner now knowing this. Trying to act casual with him shirtless at his door had been torture. How does one even court a man? How does one know a man is willing to be courted by another man?</p><p>He got up from his bed, moving to his vanity across the room. “I am Lorenz Hellman Gloucester. No matter what feelings I may have it simply will not do to be late or arrive unpresentable.” He combed through his hair making sure each piece was in its correct place as not to disturb the shape of his haircut. He changed out of the clothes he had worn for the day, crinkled from his panicked swanning about. He chose a simple set of fitted waist pants, a high collar balloon sleeve shirt, and a vest. It emphasised his shoulder-waist-hip ratio which he found himself rather proud of.</p><p>Lorenz stood up from his chair before leaning his hands on the table, looking in the mirror. “Oh Goddess, how can I face them. I have made such a fool of myself.” The embarrassment had many layers but if Lorenz was most honest, and he tried to be, he was most ashamed that somehow he hadn’t realised the true nature of Ferdinand and Hubert’s relationship, worrying that because his context was wrong that he may not have given his dear friend the correct reactions of support or congratulations when needed.</p><p>“You must steel yourself.” He inhaled a deep breath before checking his hair in the mirror a final time then exited his room.</p><p>He hoped Hilda would let him have at least some peace tonight. He did not need to hear her taunting his ignorance. When he entered the private dinning room she simply greeted him and grinned. Lorenz sighed. This was worse, she was trying to be nice to him out of pity.</p><p>“We should start eating without Holst.” She commented before motioning a servant to inform them they were ready to be served.</p><p>Lorenz quirked an eyebrow. “Why is he not here? It is most unlike the Duke to be late to a meal. Oh Hilda please tell me he has not fainted in the baths again.”</p><p>“Do you worry for him?” the small smile grew “Is tiny, pink and ripped your type Lorenz? Shall we be arranging a union between our great houses after all?” Hilda winked.</p><p>He blushed furiously. “If I were to like the Duke Goneril there are plenty of reasons other that his physical appearance. He is a wonderfully decorated General and he has shown me the kindest hospitality during my stay here. I’m afraid you parents ran out kindness when they gave it all to the first child because you are being very rude and I do not like your questions.” He huffed.</p><p>A chair scraped beside him and Holst seated himself looking far to smug than he ought to. “How many times must I tell you Lorenz, call me Holst. Duke Goneril makes me think you’re talking about my late father so affectionately. Call me the jealous type but I prefer not to share.”</p><p>Lorenz was starting to fear that if he didn’t leave soon he may have a heart attack from all the flushing and panic he experienced at the hands of those two.</p><p>“Ah! I hadn’t heard you come in. My Apologies Holst. Might I enquire what kept you so long?”</p><p>Plates of food were placed on the table and Lorenz was thankful to have something to put in his mouth to stop himself from talking.</p><p>“I decided to arrange for some special training for us tonight. I thought it might be nice to spar and sharpen up your skills. My understanding is that you were never a very talented brawler and it happens to be my specialty.” Holst spoke casually as he began cutting into the fish on his plate.</p><p>“Brother are you sure this is such a good idea? When I said Lorenz was bad I <em>really </em>meant it.” She glared at Holst as spoke.</p><p>“No need to worry Hilda, I have set up the training mats so it shouldn’t hurt too much when he hits the ground. Besides, I intend to focus more on grappling arts rather than hitting or punching.” He turned to Lorenz “Its far more practical. You’ll see.”</p><p>Lorenz swallowed stiffly. Something was going one between the siblings that he did not understand. His thoughts were too occupied by the horror of surprise brawling with Holst Goneril himself.</p><p>“I hardly see why you should even bother trying to teach Lorenz grappling. If he did get his dumb ass into a fight he’d just use dark magic or run on his stilt legs which probably cover like a whole mile per stride.” Though the words were jovial in nature she was gripping her cutlery far too hard and she continued to glare.</p><p>“Certainly, that is a possibility, but I feel that this is an excellent bonding experience. Grappling brings people closer together. I have made many friends through tournaments.” Holst tilted his head as though considering something. “In the spirit of equality I could ask Lorenz to assist me in my skills of reason. I hear you’re nothing special as well Hilda. Perhaps we could both learn something.”</p><p>“Ugh. No. Count me out. Its cold and I’m not doing extra exercise if I’m not at school or war. Thank you very much.” Her eyes suddenly widened and she huffed. <em>You motherfucker this is what you wanted.</em></p><p>Holst looked far too pleased as he smirked and seemingly stuck half the fish fillet in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. “Lorenz, you should wear something tight that you don’t mind getting dirty, I always struggle to make sure my clothes stay completely on during grappling training. I’ll be going shirtless of course but I know not everyone is comfortable sparring bare chested.” The table rattled from the knock it took as Holst received a pointed kick from a tiny healed boot. “You could always come to my room before hand and have lend of one of my shirt which I’m sure would be incredibly fitted” <em>Kick “</em>I’ll give you time to digest and I will come to your quarters to collect you when it is time.”</p><p>“O-o-of course Holst. A-a-a bonding exercise. Wonderful.” Lorenz inhales deeply to compose the stammering mess he was becoming. “I thank you for the offer but I doubt any shirt you own would scarcely cover my navel. What a sight that would be!” and he laughed.</p><p>“Ha ha. Yes, what a sight indeed.” Holst quickly finished his meal so that he could flee the daggers Hilda was giving him.</p><p>Lorenz counted to ten to calm his nerves. Focused on numbers. Count each chew or cut of the knife or the ticking of the clock. Inhale on the beat. Don’t panic. You’re only about to make a fool of yourself in front of a man who simply trying to gain your friendship. Brawling was a fatal weakness. Grappling was a terrible subset of it. He was not ready for this. Even the professor had noticed how terrible he was and had stopped trying to teach him all together.</p><p>He excused himself from the table. Lorenz likely only had roughly an hour to compose himself before Holst came knocking at his door like some beautiful pink goblin ready to hand him his own ass. Lorenz needed every moment of that hour.</p><p>After Lorenz’s departure Hilda bolted from the table, down the hall to Holst’s quarters.</p><p>“What was that!” her voice bouncing off the walls as she charged into his room.</p><p>“I’m going to spar with him. You need not worry, I shall be gentle enough. Besides it wasn’t so long ago that you were supporting my endeavours.” He called back.</p><p>“That was before I found out he probably hasn’t done so much as held another man’s hand and now you’re probably going to wind up with your dick in his face!”</p><p>“I’m making my move. Anyway, it’s non-sexual dick in the face. That’s the beauty of grappling.”</p><p>“Oh how foolish of me, nothing homoerotic about a couple of dudes rolling around on top of one another trying to get the other to submit to him probably trying to choke each other. Nothing weird about wrapping your legs around another mans hips while he holds your arms down. I must be confusing it with the other really homoerotic sports.”</p><p>Holst sniffed indignantly. “I would not do anything he hasn’t asked for. I will be a gentleman. I swear. I’m just trying to push him in the right direction.”</p><p>Hilda rolled her eyes. “I could swear you were about to ask to fuck him right there at the table. The shirt thing! Really!” Holst huffed a laugh and shrugged.</p><p>“I could probably ask him and he’d still find some way to misinterpret. Lorenz has quite talent in that way.”</p><p>Hilda sat down on an armchair, leaning into it, propping her feet on one of the arms and cracking her back on the other before settling. “So…what are you going to wear? Evidently not a shirt, but I’m assuming there will be at least some clothes.” She sighed and put an arm over her face “To think, I spent my whole life hearing about what a perfect person you are and now I have to watch this display. Its like seeing a bird doing an elaborate mating dance at a statue of a bird, getting more and more worked up when it doesn’t respond.”</p><p>“Well I suppose he probably wouldn’t be up for a round of Almyran oil wrestling. I’ll just wear my usual training shorts. Why?”</p><p>“I was having terrible visions of you showing up to the training area wearing something ridiculous like a pair of tiny gold shorts that wouldn’t cover your left ball.” Hilda cringed. At this point she wouldn’t put it past Holst.</p><p>“Hmm, I would if I could but <em>someone </em>I know tends to reject my commissions.”</p><p>Hilda had found that it was best to leave Holst out of any design processes. In fact it was best to simply not take any from him. In fact it was best to simply not take any instructions from him at all. He was good in battle and normally had a sharp mind but any artistic or even tasteful genes had skipped him altogether.</p><p>“You are aware there are other men in the world aside from Lorenz. Less annoying, prudish, more self-aware men. You should really take it into consideration. Desperation is not a good look on you.”</p><p>“But Hilda, I do not want other men” he whined. “I want Lorenz and I’m fairly sure he wants me. He just doesn’t know how to take me.”</p><p>“Don’t make me think of him taking you. Gross.” She paused, sat up to look at her brother who was sitting on his bed, braiding his hair over his shoulder. “Is this what you are doing? Trying to help him understand how he might <em>take </em>you!”</p><p>“…some grappling positions can be good simulations for intercourse-”</p><p>“Goddess Holst this is too much! At least kiss him first! Surely you cannot expect Lorenz of all people to go so easily with this scheme.” It was not that she worried about Lorenz’s honour, nor did she care who her brother pursued and initially she had found the idea of Lorenz getting together with his crush pretty funny… but he was a very sensitive man. Hilda did not want to wake up the next morning and find out he was refusing to leave his room in shame and then have to spend the next day listening to him crying about confused feeling or the various ways he felt ignoble.</p><p>“I have tried courting him! Nothing works. He is the densest man in all of Fodlan and I am utterly enchanted. If I make a move and he reciprocates I will proceed. If not I will back off immediately. I am not a monster Hilda!” His face scowled at her, hurt by her assumptions of ill intent.</p><p>“I didn’t mean it like that. I just… be careful. Okay? I don’t think he just wants a romp in the training ground. Lorenz has always been a romantic. He’s going to get invested and I want you to be ready for that.” Her voice was even but quiet as she spoke. They were not children, hadn’t been for a long time, but Lorenz lacked a certain maturity.</p><p>“I don’t either.” He ducked his head. “want just a romp in the training grounds. That is.” Holst flushed so hard that his hair seemed to blend into his skin. “Lorenz seems like a fine prospect. I enjoy his company immensely and given the opportunity would have it more often.”</p><p>“… I guess the Goneril bloodline is going to end with us, huh.” She smiled at him.</p><p>“Nonsense. One simply has to father a bastard and adopt it.”</p><p>“It was a joke brother.” She giggled as she thought <em>if only they could have a child together, they could produce a normal sized person.</em></p><p>“Oh of course. I hope Marianne is well.”</p><p>“She is. I’ll see her soon. I trust the Goneril lands are safe in your capable hands while I am at Edmund.”</p><p>“Not that you do anything.”</p><p>“And I have no intentions of starting.” The clock chimed and Hilda stood to exit. “I trust you are planning to collect him now. Be warned. He truly is a terrible brawler. He’ll get tangled in his own limbs.”</p><p>“Be gone. It is about the bonding not the skill.”</p><p>“Yeah. Is that what we call it now, bonding.” And she left with the door open so that he may follow.</p><p>Holst is a confident man. He has won many battles, built a renowned reputation across the continent. He was well liked. It wasn’t like he didn’t spar with other fairly attractive men on a regular basis and not had it feel even slightly sexual despite how it appeared. Holst was utterly shaken to realise he was nervous. He was never nervous.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe I should call it off. This kind of heavy handed tactic may only scare him off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But nothing I’ve done has worked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe it needs to be heavy handed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What if he gets upset because he needs candle lit dinners and roses.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I already did those things and he didn’t. even. Notice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You can do this. Its fine. This is fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Be confident. Confidence is sexy.</em>
</p><p>Holst knocked at the door. “It’s me. Holst. Duke Goneril. Hilda’s cuter older brother.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“Are you ready Lorenz? If you didn’t pack the appropriate attire you can always borrow something-“</p><p>There was a crash and bang followed by a strained Lorenz calling back “No,no, a noble is always ready. I’m just trying to find my training shoes and I’ll be right with you!”</p><p>“Lorenz, you don’t need shoes for grappling. You’re not even supposed to wear them.”</p><p>“It would be improper for me to bound about the castle barefoot!”</p><p>“I’m not even wearing a shirt. It’s my castle. You can do what you want.” And Lorenz squeaked at the comment then sighed.</p><p>“Very well.” He opened the door, his hair elaborately braided along the side of his head to keep the strands out of his face and he wore his old training uniform from Garreg Mach. “But you better make sure there is no word spread of me dressed so indecently. Walking around without shoes” he tutted “how absurd.”</p><p>Holst noted how his voice stayed calm yet his eyes would dart across him before jumping to just above his head.</p><p>“Shall we?”</p><p>Holst nodded and turned to lead.</p><p>They wondered through the various winding halls to the courtyard, enjoying the brisk night air and the bright moon above. Hilda had been correct, it was cold, but Holst hoped the exercise would warm them up. He tried to keep his muscles flexed as the made their way to the training ground. Every now and then he would catch Lorenz starring at him before he would look away to pretend he saw something in the distance. The near foot difference made this much harder to execute subtly.</p><p>Holst stopped abruptly and Lorenz crashed into him.</p><p>“Distracted?”</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>“Good. I want you to keep your full focus on me.” Holst maintained eye contact as he opened the door to a closed off room where he had laid down thin mats.</p><p>Holst walked into the centre of the room and sat on the floor.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Lorenz asked as Holst spread his legs and leant forward so his stomach touched the floor, he propped his head on his crossed forearms.</p><p>“Stretching. Wouldn’t want to get a cramp. You should join me, lest you find yourself needing me to massage you should you get one.” He grimaced, recalling past disasters. Once, having almost won a minor competition in his youth he had suddenly been struck by a cramp that burned through his entire left leg. He lost and a young Hilda had mocked him relentlessly as a healer rushed to sooth it. “They are… very unpleasant and horribly common.”</p><p>Lorenz rushed to sit parallel to him and copy the movements. Lorenz of course was familiar with stretching before sparring but he rarely took part, finding it not entirely necessary for his skill classes. Even in lance he hadn’t bother. He had almost felt it was something only done for posturing, Sylvain seemed to only warm up his muscles when he thought Felix was watching or a girl.</p><p>
  <em>Did Sylvain like Felix? Or was that just part of some perceived rivalry?</em>
</p><p>Lorenz was still trying to reorganise his thoughts.</p><p>Holst switched positions so that one leg was in front of him and the other straight behind. He leant forward again grabbing his foot, holding for a moment then switching.</p><p>“I do not think I am capable of that. Truly, Hilda was not needlessly slandering me. This is not my strong suit and I am rather out of practice since the war”. Peace for Lorenz had kept physical activity outside of horse riding, leisurely walks through gardens and the occasional ballroom dance to a minimum, unlike Holst who insister on his own rigorous training schedule no matter the state of affairs. He had even taken to training youths in brawling and axe skills during his weekends. A good tournament always followed every quarter and caused excitement throughout the castle.</p><p>Holst grunted as his muscles strained before releasing the position. “It matters not your skill level, only that you apply yourself the best you can. Skill comes with time and practice, it is simply that many lack the patience or means to apply themselves consistently”.</p><p>Lorenz couldn’t argue with that. Even in reason he had not been the most talented, but it was his dedication that saw him rise higher than others. He poured hours into his study and practice, powered by the fear that word should find his father that his son was just as weak and foppishly useless as other initially thought.</p><p>“I know you are unfamiliar with grappling so I thought it best we start with the basics. I won’t cover take downs today – perhaps if I may inspire you to train with me again over your stay, we shall another time. A poor take down is far too dangerous for everyone involved.” Holst had experienced too many cricked necks and sore knees in his lifetime from people who’s level of confidence far exceeded their skill.</p><p>Lorenz stared in anticipation. He was now too filled with the anxiety of doing something new that he knew he would be terrible at to even be distressed by Holst’s lightly sweat shined skin or his form which looked as though it had been carved by Sothis herself from the finest marble, dusted with hair along his navel. Or the way wild light pink hairs refused to stay in his braid and framed his face in a soft yet chaotic way. They glowed with the torch light like a halo.</p><p>He continued. “Tonight, we will focus on defending yourself when an opponent is on top of you. I will show you how you can incapacitate their arm or choke them.” He paused and grinned. “With your legs.”</p><p>“How could one possible choke another with their legs?” Lorenz exclaimed. “Shouldn’t one just reach with their hands!”</p><p>“A rookie mistake but I suppose it is better if I demonstrate first so you may understand via experience.” Holst laid on his back with his knees bent and sighed. Knowing Lorenz, he was sure to find all the new movement very strange and would likely push back at each step of the process. “Come, on your knees. Between my legs.”</p><p>“I-I between… what?” He exclaimed.</p><p>“This type of grappling is for close quarters and defence purposes rather then to maim. You will understand soon enough. So quickly, on your knees, between my legs.”</p><p>Lorenz shuffled to arrange himself between them. He towered over Holst. Lorenz wondered how the logistics of this could possibly work. Before he could think anymore on the topic he felt a powerful squeeze around his waist where Holst had crossed his legs around his back.</p><p>“Your base is too narrow, position your knees further apart.”</p><p>“Why?” and <em>oof that was why</em>. Lorenz was rolled or rather slammed into the floor with Holst seated atop him looming over his face.</p><p>Holst rolled off back into his previous position. “Try again. Wider base.”</p><p>Lorenz followed his directions back between those thick defined thighs and felt the pressure around him again. Holst swung his hips left then right. Lorenz swayed but he remained in position instead of sprawled on his back.</p><p>“I understand that the whole-” Lorenz made a vague hand motion to Holst’s legs “makes it easier to reverse the position but would it not be more prudent not to do that so you could escape easier?”</p><p>“But Lorenz, should I find myself in a position as this one in a fight, the one attacking me would be using all their power to harm my face. This way – ” Holst squeezed Lorenz’s waist for emphasis and <em>Goddess was it a tight squeeze</em> “they have their motion severely limited and I remain in control of the fight despite being underneath. Try to stand up.”</p><p>Lorenz made an attempt but found himself unable to, instead Holst pulled his hips inward and Lorenz had to catch himself on his arms before his face met either that mat or Holst’s own from the force of the pull. “Noted.”</p><p>“I appreciate the curiosity but please Lorenz, this is my specialty. Each movement however foreign serves a purpose. Now place your forearms on my chest. Don’t be afraid to apply too much pressure, I’ve sparred with much bigger and rougher men than you. You cannot hurt me, I promise.” Lorenz followed the instructions while he mentally weighed up if he was meant to stare at Holst’s face or next to it and just listen to him.</p><p>“Don’t be too stiff, but don’t be too flaccid either. A floppy partner is quite bothersome and hinders the simulation of combat even if I am only demonstrating the move. After all you would not simply lay a top me and let me choke you into submission!” Holst let loose a loud laugh.</p><p>“O-of course.” Lorenz stumbled over his words.</p><p>“When you feel it tap rapidly on any part of my body. If you find yourself unable to tap then just say the word ‘tap’ rapidly.”</p><p>“Feel what?”</p><p>“You’ll know it when you feel it. There’s having your air flow restricted and having the blood flow to your brain cut off and tonight you’re going to find out the difference. It’s very sudden. I will go slowly.”</p><p>Lorenz took a deep breath.</p><p>“I’m going to start. Watch my movements but do not fight them. There will be time for that later.”</p><p>Lorenz gave a terse nod.</p><p>Holst pulled his hips in tight, throwing Lorenz forward. Holst gripped both arms tightly then released the grip his legs had around the other man’s back. Turning slightly on his side, he flicked his left free of their bodies and onto Lorenz shoulder, crunching it down where his neck and shoulder met, further breaking his posture. He tucked one of Lorenz’s arms into his body, trapping it between them. He pulled the other arm upwards, both hands now firmly around his wrist, his grip burning into Lorenz’s skin and mind. Firm and warm. The other leg came up behind his shoulder and the back of his knee came down upon his ankle which was positioned straight to align with Lorenz’s shoulders.</p><p>Lorenz was definitely feeling strained but not terrible like he expected. “This isn’t so bad.”</p><p>“I’m not finished. Like I said, I intend to take this slowly.” Then like a snake had curled around his neck Lorenz felt <em>it.</em></p><p>Holst tightened the hold his legs had ever so slightly, tensed his calves to further remove any space as his grip on Lorenz’s arm manoeuvred him to increase its effectiveness. Suddenly the world around him became very unfocussed and he found himself unable to breathe. It was an odd pressure compared to traditional chocking, it didn’t really hurt, it just achieved its objective.</p><p>Lorenz mused it was like the gentle version of a choke. He also quickly gasped out “taptaptaptap”. Holst immediately released him.</p><p>“I admit I am impressed by your ability to execute such a complex movement but I still fail to see how it could be executed in a practical situation.”</p><p>“I suppose you have only experienced battle, but I have found myself more often in individual fights. A surprising amount of people feel it would work in their favour to challenge a Goneril due to our stature and all of them have found themselves terribly impaired afterward. I assure you this is a useful move. I shall have to spar with one of the knights in a one on one. It would definitely give you a better understanding.” Holst leaned back on his elbows behind him. “Until then I will have you learn the move for yourself. You may have to make adjustments due to your limb length.”</p><p>Holst laughed a hearty laugh. “They never seem to learn, shorter limbs mean closer joint, tighter chokes.”</p><p>Lorenz swallowed. Dread filled him. He was terrified to try.</p><p>Holst laid on his back legs apart once again. “I’ll demonstrate it again. This time I’ll tell you what I’m doing as I do it. Listen closely. I know this can be confusing and I am more than willing to do this as many times as you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. My evening is all yours.”</p><p>Lorenz got back between his legs, base wide. How could he possibly forget.</p><p>He paid rapt attention but found himself ashamed of how he was distracted by Holst’s strong hand on him, and worse, the firm press of his thighs. Lorenz had moved awkwardly at some point during the third demonstration and found his face dangerously close to Holst’s crotch. He eyes widened and he let out a small undignified noise. Somehow Holst paid no mind to it.</p><p>“I think you should understand the basics, now it’s your turn. Don’t worry if it takes a few tries, this isn’t the easiest move. Get on your back.” He clapped his hands together.</p><p>Lorenz rolled off Holst onto the mat. “For the love of the saints Holst why would you not start with the easiest move!” He half groaned, half whined.</p><p>Holst tilted his head to the side as though the answer should be blindingly obvious. “Because this one is one of the most fun ones of course!”</p><p>“Fun?” Lorenz cried.</p><p>“Yes.” He got between Lorenz’s thighs. “Fun.” He blushed and turned his head away to cough. “Anyway, Lorenz you need to copy what I did. Lift your hips up around my waist and wrap your legs around me. Tightly. The tighter the better.”</p><p>Lorenz had been mostly able to ignore the sensations of their touch when Holst had been the aggressor. He was far too preoccupied with being chocked, which despite certain conversations he had tried to block out with Sylvain, was not as erotic as he was told to believe when you’re about to pass out.</p><p>But now he was on his back looking up at Holst. With his legs wrapped around his back, both were wearing shorts and Lorenz could feel the heat of Holst skin on his exposed legs.  </p><p>“Having your hips raised is important.” Holst continued on like this was nothing out of the ordinary. “Pull your hips down.”</p><p>Lorenz thrust down. Holst came down on him, resting his arms on Lorenz’s chest. “Yes Lorenz, just like that.” He gasped.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, Goddess this is too much. It sounds much too much like Sylvain described sex.</em>
</p><p> “Now push one arm into my body, you need to keep me tight to you so it remains trapped.” Lorenz followed along.</p><p>He proceeded with the instructions Holst gave him as best he could. Forcing himself not to flinch every time Holst would ask for his arm so he could puts his hands on Lorenz to adjust a detail or improve his form.</p><p>When it came to the actual choke Lorenz seemed to have much difficulty. Holst was very small and Lorenz’s legs were far too long. It took ten minutes of readjustments alone for before Holst even started feel the correct pressure around his neck.</p><p>“Can you feel it yet?”</p><p>“I’m very close, go a bit harder.”</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>“Getting closer but the angle is still slightly off, try to reposition your hips slightly to the left.”</p><p>“Okay, is this working?” He adjusted the angle and squeezed a little harder to close the space a bit more.</p><p>“That’s it, just like that Lorenz.” He gasped out as the arm Lorenz had accidentally freed tapped on his body quickly three times.</p><p>They separated and both collapsed alongside one another.</p><p>Lorenz felt incredible pride. He was surprised that even with Holst constant guidance he was able to achieve the choke.</p><p>Holst rolled onto his side to look at him. “Now you just need to do it five more times.”</p><p>Lorenz groaned while Holst chuckled.</p><p>“Without instruction as well. Though I’ll still correct you.”</p><p>Lorenz groaned louder.</p><p>Surprisingly, Lorenz did in fact execute the choke successfully a few more times, becoming more confident with each attempt. It had taken well over an hour to do so. He was exhausted, sweat poured from him and his hair was completely soaked. He failed to stop his own gaze wondering across Holst’s body, tracking the droplets that glided down his abdomen. Every now and then he would feel a drop fall from Holst’s face onto him and he thought he should be disgusted and yet, he wasn’t.</p><p>Holst called for a ten minute break, Lorenz panted “You mean it’s not over?”</p><p>Holst walked to a small table off to the side, pouring water from the large pitcher. “Of course not. Next you have to put it into practice. I’ll put in some resistance so you have to fight a little to make it work.” He downed the whole glass in one long gulp before pouring some more into a second cup. He handed it to Lorenz. “Drink. I won’t have you passing out under me.”</p><p>Lorenz never realised water could get stuck in your throat. It was as though he were trying to swallow a boulder under Holst’s intense gaze. <em>Must he stare at me like that.</em> Lorenz wanted desperately to hide.</p><p>Holst returned the cup to its place and Lorenz tried not to watch the way each muscle flexed and shifted with each of his motions. Lorenz was glad for the excuse of physical exertion to cover his full body flush.</p><p>How had he ever thought this was just ordinary male respect for the body, just jealousy or admiration, not anything more. All men wanted to press their hands into firm muscles or feel their power firsthand.</p><p>What an absolute fool he had been.</p><p>Twenty-nine. He managed to convince himself of this for twenty-nine years.</p><p>Holst’s eager face appeared in front of his own, Lorenz still sitting on the mats and Holst crouched in a squat.</p><p>“Break’s over. Get on your back.”</p><p>His eyes widened and he took a sharp inhale as he sprawled back onto the thin mat.</p><p>Holst positioned himself between his legs. After a moment he grabbed the both by the back of his thighs, hoisting them up. “Don’t get distracted. I told you. I want your full focus on me.”</p><p>And that was the problem. Suddenly Lorenz found he could not do anything but pay attention to the feel of Holst’s body against his own and he could no longer concentrate.</p><p>
  <em>Why did his voice have to sound so low at this moment!</em>
</p><p>“I’ll put in resistance. Only rules are no biting, slapping, kicking or punching. Only grappling. When you grab my hands take the meat of my palm not the fingers. That’s dangerous to a sparring partner.”</p><p>Lorenz gave a tense nod.</p><p>“Let’s begin.”</p><p>Oh this is bad. It was one thing to be handling him when was just a stiff body giving him guidance. Now he was pulling and pushing against him. Lorenz tried to pull him down with his legs but it took a few attempts to break Holst’s posture and then he was above him, face parallel to his own, breathing the same air together. Lorenz made a grab for his arms to prevent him from sitting up and putting him back at square one. Securing him in place despite Holst’s (half hearted) attempts to pull back.</p><p>Lorenz was desperately trying to remember what step came next but his brain had apparently decided it was time to leave his body. His eyes flittered about Holst’s own form then darted to his eyes to his mouth and back to his wide pink eyes again.</p><p>Holst’s arms broke free and an elbow came to rest either side of his head. They faces only centimetres apart. “Normally in this position you should grab the back of your opponent’s head.”</p><p>Holst’s hand came to his own to put it in his hair. Lorenz cupping the back of his skull far too tenderly.</p><p>His breath stuttered at the contact, feeling too intimate a moment to possibly be sparring.</p><p>And then Holst leant down and kissed him.</p><p>Just a gentle brush of lips. Holst’s were slightly dry bur Lorenz found he didn’t mind.</p><p>“Is this okay?”</p><p>Lorenz wanted to say something smart like “did I tap out?” but instead all that came out was a single breathy word.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>So Holst did it again. One arm supporting him, the other came to cup Lorenz’s jaw. His thumb stroking across his cheek. He deepened the kiss.</p><p>It was so different from Lorenz’s past experienced. He had kissed girls before and it was nice. He really had no other thoughts on the matter. He never desired to take it further and often found his mind would wonder off when it happened, then chastise himself for being so rude to a lady trying to express her affections. He would be awkward as he waited for it to end, unsure what he was expected to do in the situation.</p><p>His mind was not wondering off now and Holst seemed to be very aware what to do next. Lorenz opened his mouth slightly and then Holst’s tongue was exploring his lips, his teeth and stroking his own and-</p><p>
  <em>Why isn’t this gross? I always found it disgusting.</em>
</p><p>Instead he finds himself embarrassed by the small noises he makes that only incentive Holst to continue. Hips are grinding into him and Lorenz becomes aware that he’s <em>hard</em>.</p><p>Both of them are.</p><p>And the friction feels too good for him not to grind back, made easier by the fact his legs were still wrapped around Holst, keeping their bodies tightly against one another.</p><p>Holst moves his mouth down his jaw, gently nipping and kissing as he does. Lorenz grasping sharply underneath him. His hand is also trailing down to the hem of his shirt. He holds it as he peers up at Lorenz.</p><p>“May I?”</p><p>Lorenz is gone and just nods weakly. He know he would agree to almost anything Holst asks, it doesn’t matter what.</p><p>Holst leans up straighter, Lorenz following, and now he’s using both hands to grasp Lorenz’s shirt, pulling it off his body and flinging it into the room where it makes a heavy wet thwack against the floor. Immediately Holst is pinning him back to the mat. Mouthing at his lean chest whilst Lorenz arches his back.</p><p>“Goddess, Lorenz you’re so stupidly beautiful.” He murmurs as he sucks marks into his skin. Lorenz gasps sharply, there isn’t enough air in the room. He’s only in shorts but he’s overheating. He wants Holst in a way he hasn’t wanted anyone before. He always stopped himself, repressed even the slightest sign of desire and wrote off confused feelings but by Goddess Lorenz is a twenty-nine year old man and he’s too old to be scared anymore and far too turned on to care about anything other than the way Holst’s hand is slipping just under his waistband.</p><p>Holst kisses his ribs before looking back into Lorenz’s eyes. Half lidded. Needing. “Tell me this is what you want.”</p><p>Lorenz dumbly nodded.</p><p>“No. Tell me. Say it.” Holst’s voice was low and commanding. It was really doing it for Lorenz. It sent a shiver through him. Nerves on fire at each point of contact between them and he was consumed by the heat.</p><p>Holst could see how wrecked he was. His pupils were blown with only a thin rim of purple around them. He was breathing shallowly, his arms trembling as he propped himself up to watch Holst.</p><p>But he needed Lorenz to admit it before he could continue. He needed to be sure he wasn’t just going along with Holst’s desire, that Lorenz wanted him back.</p><p>Lorenz steeled himself, taking in a deep breath that was more a long shaky gasp. “Please, Holst. I want you.” Lorenz didn’t even fully understand what it meant to <em>want </em>or to be intimate with another man, but he knew that he would take anything Holst gave him. Drinking his desire like a man in the desert finally finding an oasis.</p><p> </p><p>That sentence was all Holst required. Slipping his hand out of Lorenz’s waistband then both hands grasping it, pulling it down along with his small clothe to free his erection. Lorenz turned he head away but Holst reached for his chin to hold eye contact whilst his other grasped his cock.</p><p>Lorenz practically sobbed at the contact. Holst came back to his mouth to kiss him deeply while he worked up and down the length. Between strokes he’d swipe his thumb along it’s head, collecting the clear viscous liquid from it to ease the friction.</p><p>Lorenz was burning from the inside out. His mind was completely clouded with lust that he could no longer even kiss Holst back, only allow his mouth, jaw and neck to ravished as he was worked closer to release.</p><p>“Please, Holst let me…” It came out as a quiet whisper as he tentatively reached an unsure hand toward Holst own erection, making itself known, pushing against his thin shorts.</p><p>“But Lorenz, if I were to let you then I couldn’t do this.” He kissed down Lorenz’s body, palming his chest, firmly stroking down his ribs and pressing along stomach. All Lorenz could do was watch and whimper when his mouth was above his hard leaking cock, soft puffs of hair brushing over his wet tip.</p><p>Holst took him into his mouth, working his sturdy fingers up and down what he couldn’t fit. Lorenz arched his back, one hand clutching at the mat while the other came to his mouth to muffle the undignified sound he made.</p><p>He wouldn’t last. It was too new, to hot, too all consuming. His abdomen felt tight, all his muscles straining and even hi hand could not cover the soft moans being pulled from him. Holst’s mouth was so soft and wet and perfect.</p><p>Lorenz tried to lean back up, wanting to see the positively filthy obscenity of Duke Goneril sucking his cock. Holst gazed at him, Lorenz felt like prey, frozen in place. Powerless. He relished it.</p><p>Holst had taken his own cock out and was vigorously jerking himself off and when Lorenz saw it hit him hard in his gut. He tried to warn him and cried out his name but before he could get beyond “Holst!” he was already spending in his mouth and Holst was swallowing him down. Popping off the tip with a hard suck and then mouthing along the shaft to catch any seed he had missed.</p><p>Lorenz was a grasping, sweaty mess. Bruises lined his body, marking up his throat and down his sternum.</p><p>Holst made a small stilted sound and stilled, coming on the mat beneath him. A stray streak hit Lorenz’s thigh and once again that day Lorenz wondered why something was doing the opposite of disgust him when in theory it should be gross. He was still trying to catch his breath as Holst quickly brushed it away.</p><p>“apologies.” He ducked his head and blushed as he tucked himself back into his shorts.</p><p>“Of all times you choose to be shy now?” Lorenz teased.</p><p>It only made Holst flush harder, confidence now stripped away since his mind was cleared.</p><p>“Allow me to find your clothes. I’m afraid I wasn’t as conscientious as I ought to have been.” Holst rushed to stand up, fumbling for a moment on the uneven surface before inelegantly hopping about the room searching for Lorenz’s shorts and shirt as well as the hand towel he kept to keep his weaponry cleaned. He collected the pitcher of water as well as he came back to Lorenz on the floor.</p><p>Lorenz took his clothes and dressed while Holst poured a little water onto the cloth and scrubbed his mess off the mat.</p><p>“My, my, what a gentleman.” Loren had found his confidence again. He reasoned that Holst had seen him in what must be the most embarrassing and compromising position possible. He’s had his cock in his mouth. That time had passed.</p><p>“I wouldn’t dream of leaving a mess such as this to the servants. I’m sure they can pack away the rest in the morning.” He kept his eyes down, averted from Lorenz while smiling shyly. “I’m much too tired and shall retire back to my quarters.”</p><p>He paused.</p><p>“Do not think I am… trying to pressure you or seduce you or what have you. I was just wondering if you might… accompany me back.” Holst swiped a hand through the hair that had escaped his braid, sending it out of his face. “Not for anymore… um… activity. It is just…” He was becoming flustered. “It might be nice to spend the night together. For company. Sharing a bed. It doesn’t need to be more.”</p><p>Lorenz was stupefied by the offered.</p><p>“It’s fine if you do not want to. I understand many men prefer to separate after such things.”</p><p>“No, no I was just surprised. I had thought you might be one of those men.” Lorenz knew that Holst was by no means a virgin. Hilda had on occasion complained about the endless partners he had that never seemed to end in engagement. Lorenz had never considered any of them could be male.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“But I would be happy to keep you company until morning. And then into the day as well. If I recall correctly, I have a clear schedule.” Holst beamed up at Lorenz. He tucked the cloth into the back of his shorts.</p><p>“Then come along. The night is not so young anymore and at our age beauty sleep becomes highly important.”</p><p>“Are you implying my beauty is in dire straits?” Lorenz teased.</p><p>“Never, only that I may have need of it so you do not grow bored of me.”</p><p>Holst took Lorenz by the hand and they walked together to his quarters. It was far too late to bath and truly they were exhausted. Holst once again asked if he may undress him and once again was permitted, though only the warm press of Holst to Lorenz’s back under the soft duvet and sleep followed.</p><p>The next day when Holst did not arrive for breakfast Hilda became annoyed. He had promised to go into town to inspect a new shipment of fabrics with her. She could always leave on her own and take a servant with her, but a special joy came from heaping his arms with samples and forcing him to carry them for hours. The merchant she had in mind tended to sell quickly and given the opportunity to jack up his prices due to her lateness he would. The slimy prick would probably smirk and tell her “Supply and demand, Darl.”</p><p>Sharp angry heels clipped against the stones and kicking open Holst’s door.</p><p>“Hilda?” Holst rubbed sleep out his eye. Who else would ever dare to barge in like that.</p><p>“Get up Duke Goneril!” Hilda shrilled as she pushed open the curtains and then made way to his wardrobe, flinging clothes for the day toward the bed.</p><p>The light streamed into the room and a second person groaned. She turned away from Holst’s selection of boots, slowly looking back toward the bed. And yes that was definitely another person. A certain purple haired idiot who had been making himself at home for the past few weeks.</p><p>“Really Brother? Really?” She cried, scrubbing her perfectly manicured hands over her face. She was suddenly having visions of the time she had seen a rooster attempting to attack a peacock from behind when she had visited the Gloucester estate. She didn’t want to think about it. But no the comparisons kept coming. Rabbit trying to mount a great boar hunting dog. Stop it Hilda. Quail and a rooster and we’re back to birds.</p><p>That’s enough. She shook her head. Knowing and semi-supporting her brother’s “ambitions” was one thing. Seeing evidence of it was another. Lorenz was covered in bruises as though he’d been thrown by a horse into a fence that was particularly fascinated by his chest and neck. His hair was an absolute disaster. Lorenz was a disaster.</p><p>“I’ll be waiting in the hall. Ugh. Just hurry up.” Hilda bolted from the room. <em>Mouse eating a banana. </em></p><p>
  <em>Please stop.</em>
</p><p>Oh Goddess. They were going to a wedding. They were both going to be there. Hilda was going to need to get to the Edmund estate before Holst made his awful poetry when he inevitably tries to be romantic.</p><p>
  <em>What if Lorenz ends up my brother in law?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Will he move in? Will I have to deal with his constant dramatic swanning about and unwarranted advice every day?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No they just had sex once it’ll be fine. They won’t jump straight to marriage.</em>
</p><p>Except this is Lorenz. He probably proposed when he came. <em>Erase that mental image right now. </em></p><p>Holst existed his quarters. “I need to get Lorenz clothes from his room. He said he won’t leave until I do.”</p><p>
  <em>They’re being domestic. This is the end. My home is going to be filled with tiny Lorenzs by the next year. Everything will be destroyed and made into either an equestrian circuit or a rose garden and covered in peacocks. </em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Do they have brazilian jiu jitsu in the FE3H world? Who knows but they have nukes and cotton shirts so I do what I want. Btw the choke in the fic is the first one I ever learnt and oh boy was that a time.<br/>Thank you to anyone who made it through this. I hope it was alright - I honestly haven't written anything over 200 words in years and even then whatever I write is for Uni.<br/>Sorry for OoC and spelling mistakes!</p><p>Edit: I have <a href="https://twitter.com/bepsismax">Twitter</a> where sometimes I sketch FE3H characters</p></blockquote></div></div>
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